1/1/2006
I guess I should start out by telling everyone a little but about myself. My real name is Timothy Lafferty, but online everyone knows me by my screen name AT8boy. I am starting my sophomore year here at South West South Dakota State Technical School and University and I am very excited. I just got accepted into the creative writing program here at the school.
I am currently working for Nuclear Chicken (or as he prefers to be called “NC”) as webmaster of nuclearchicken.net and his part-time computer technician. I am so excited to have landed this internship. I am double majoring in creative writing and computer science at the University and my advisor has told me that I can get course credit with this internship for both majors. The icing on the cake is that my internship is paid. My preppie hall mates snicked at first but they don’t seem to mind now that I buy the beer.
Since I lost my scholarship and have been riding my bike to class, I decided that I really needed a job close to the campus. I haven’t been able to drive my car since early in the summer, so I was forced to give up my job delivering pizzas and I found myself really strapped for cash. I needed money for tuition, books, going downtown and all the other things that a college guy needs. I saw this add in the student news paper:
I was a little confused by what they meant by “knows how the Internet,” and keeping my mouth shut but I figured that I was exactly what these grammatically inept and spelling-challenged people might need. Besides, it said it paid well. So I did what any broke college guy, who didn’t have the guts to pose nude for the modeling class, would do, I called up Mr. Joe. This is pretty much what followed.
[The phone rang about ten times.]
Me: “Hello?”
Joe: “Yeah, buddy do you know what time it is.”
Me: “Yes, its 2:30, I’m calling about the ad in the paper.”
Joe: “Oh, sorry buddy, not into guys…” [Click, dial tone is heard]
So I called back:
Me: “Hello? Please don’t hang up.”
Joe: “What are you a freakin’ stalker? Besides I’s sleepin’.”
Me: “No sir, I am calling you about the job offer in the paper.”
Joe: “Job offer? What job offer? Look pal if you want a job you need to call back during the day.”
Me: “It’s 2:30.”
Joe: “Huh? One sec.”
…(muffled)’Well I’ll be a sliced cactus sandwich!’
Joe: “Sorry about the misunderstanding there buddy. I painted the windows black. What did you say your name was again?”
Me: “Uh… Timothy Lafferety.”
Joe: “Well Tommy, you said you are calling about the job?”
Me: “It’s Tim, and yes sir, I would like to know how to apply.”
Joe: “One sec.”
[The received was put down again. Footsteps heard walking away from the phone. Hear Mr. Joe faintly speaking in the background with someone but it is too faint to make out. Footsteps come back.]
Joe: “When can you come by.”
Me: “Tomorrow afternoon would be good.”
Joe: “Nah, have to take NC for a drive then, besides I want to meet you before I show you the compound. How about we pick you up in an hour or so.”
Me: “I guess that would be OK, I have to get cleaned up first.”
Joe: “Well come by and pick you up.”
Me: “You know where I live?”
Joe: “I don’t have the foggiest; meet us outside your dorm hall in an hour. Bring some breadcrumbs with you.”
Me: “Ok…”
[Then the line just went dead….]
I then realized that I was more confused than when I originally read the ad and definitely more frightened. This guy lives in a compound with black windows and knows where I live. Furthermore, I still had no idea what the job entailed. I made a decision then that I didn’t want the job so I called back with the intention of canceling the interview. I let the phone ring for about a minute and no one picked up the line. I told my roommate about what had happened and he said that if I didn’t go to the interview I might wake up one morning and discover that my kidneys were gone. All kidding aside, I somehow suspected that he might be right.
I got cleaned up, ate a veggie burger (which might have been my last meal) and made my way down to the pick up area and waited. After about a minute a guy pulled up in a Honda Civic, rolled down the window and said, “You Tommy? I’m Joe, get in.”
“Yes sir (I decided that correcting him about my name would be something I would have to handle later),”
The man had about a week worth of beard growth, was wearing a NASCAR cap and smelled like some kind of perverse cross between a liquor cabinet and the perfume counter at Macy’s. What’s more he had a full grown chicken in the back of the car.
I said, “On second thought, I don’t think…” I never finished the sentence because at that moment the rear car door opened, seemingly by itself, and I found myself inexplicably getting in the back seat.
“You bring any bread crumbs with you,” the unwashed, unshaven, Neanderthal asked me.
“No, I thought you were kidding.”
“Humph,” the cretin rumbled, “Well, I have some here somewhere.”
He opened the glove compartment and pulled out a small can and handed it to me.
“Give some of these to NC.”
“Who, the chicken? Is this your pet,” I asked as I fed the chicken some crumbs.
“Shit no boy, that is my employer and soon to be yours too, if he likes you.”
My eyes almost popped out of my head.
“You see,” the scary, hairy creature continued, “what we need is someone who can set NC up a world wide web, run the internet and fix broke computers.”
“So he wants a web site, is that what you are saying?”
“What I said wasn’t it.”
“I can do that,” I quickly responded.
The chicken then clucked softly.
Mr. Joe grinned, “Seems like he likes you boy. So tell you what, we need you for about 20 hours a week and we will work with your school schedule.”
“…Not to seem rude but what does the job pay?”
“Pay is $15 per hour.”
“Looks like I’m your guy.”
Shortly thereafter they dropped me back off at the dorm and Mr. Joe gave me a card with directions on it. “Sorry Tommy, I don’t like people to see where NC lives unless we offer them a job, “See you next Tuesday.”
The rest as they say is history. Now I officially work for the Nuclear Chicken. One other thing, Mr. Joe still can’t get my name right so I had NC forbid him to use it.Updates
6/27/06 - OMG! Joe almost ruined my chances at an apartment and the social status it brings! Luckily, those two Russian guys were there to help....Read!
2/14/06 - My worst nightmare came true. Only my Blog can reflect my true agony.
2/2/06 - Groundhog Day. Good movie, maybe Mr. Joe should review it. Finally updated my Blog!
1/15/06 - I finally got this site up and running with the new re-design. I'm hoping to submit it for extra credit in my computer class.
1/1/06 - A new year, a new job. NC hired me on as the Webmaster for his site. The first thing to be updated was my page. I've decided to let this be my opus, at least for now.
A Little About Me
I'm currently a student at SWSDST&U (South West South Dakota State Tech and University for those who aren't familar).
I'm working on my BFA in creative writing and my BS in computer science.
I look forward to making good friends and connections while I am here.